it is v simple...

2011-02-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

Times flies whether you like it or not, children grow up faster than what we expect. Just 2 plus years ago, Caleb was still a helpless baby lying in his cot, not knowing a single word but could only cry for milk and attention. Now, he couldn't stop talking and singing, and could so well verbalize his feelings. As I look at Caleb tonight, I am amazed how much he has grown. I can only thank God for allowing me to see His miracle works in this little life n the joy it brings to a mother's heart to see her child grow up every day. It is most wonderful how Caleb says "I love you, mummy." in his sweetest voice and most sincere look, and I am so so sure that he meant every word of it. Everyday I ask God to remind me to look at him carefully cos I know I will miss a part of his growth when I get too busy with other things for that day. I have an equally mixed feelings about Caleb starting school in 2 days time. Part of me is glad that he is finally going to school, giving me more free time to do my stuff and also to spend more time with Bryan. Yet I know this is the start of lesser time with my darling. I know I am going to miss the times we spend doing art n craft, singing songs, reading books, playing with toys or just snuggling on the sofa watching our favorite cartoons.

And I thank God for the 2nd miracle (Bryan). Bryan is such an easy child and I thank God for that. He is all sunshine and smiley. I am amazed how God could grow the love I had for my children. The love didn't get divided by 2 when I have 2 children but it got multiplied! When I look at Bryan, I felt like I fall in love again just like how it felt with Caleb (even easier this time cos Bryan really looks like Gabriel).

Then I tot of how my mum must have felt when she looked at us. Suddenly I could understand why her sacrifices for us were always unconditional. The extent she is willing to go for us, her children, even when we are already all grown up. As we celebrated her 57th birthday today, I pray that God will continue to bring joy to her heart thru us and thru her grandchildren. Happy Birthday Mummy!!!

2011-01-11T22:35:00.003+08:00

I was updating my resume today and was almost convicted that I should find a job and work for at least 1 to 2 years before I stay at home for good when Caleb start P-school. But after seeing how much Caleb is missing Gab after he started work, I couldn't bear to leave him as well. Caleb has this immersed joy when daddy is home early today (not that early, around 7pm). He just want to be Gabriel all the time.

Over the past few weeks, I am constantly in dilemma on the decision of working or not. My concern is always towards Caleb and Bryan. What will happen once I start working? That's a question I couldn't answer at this point of time. I know for sure Caleb and Bryan will have less of mummy's time and what kind of impact will that bring to them? Is granny's attention enough in replacement of mine for the time being?

Even though staying at home these few days with my mum makes me feel that I should go work to reduce redundancy at home. And especially so once Caleb goes to school in Feb, and it will be just Bryan being looked after by me and my mum. It makes me feel that I should find a job till Bryan needs more of my attention or when Caleb start Pri school. But I have lots of struggle within me of the much reduced time I will have at home. And what if my job demands more that 8 to 5.

God, pls show me the best way and the best decision. Lead me to the right way!

Strangely familiar feeling...

2011-01-05T22:43:00.004+08:00

This is the 3rd week since we returned to singapore, our home. Even though we are not exactly in our own home as we are staying with my mum. The feeling to be home was great at first. I was so excited to see my dearest family n friends at the airport. It seemed like yesterday when they just sent us off to our 1 yr hol and then we are back at the same place again. Really, the feeling is like the last 1yr didn't actually existed. The time paused at Singapore Changi Airport where we left on 21st dec 2009 and continued on 22nd dec 2010. Maybe because in that 1 yr, we led an extremely different life, out of our norm, too enjoyable that it didn't feel real.

Though far away from family, I must say I had an enjoyable 2010. We had many adventures, made many new friends, created lots of wonderful memories. Family time was most fulfilling during that time when Gab gets to be home by late afternoon and had most of his weekends starting on Thurs. By n by, we had friends, family who drop by Monterey and visited us. I really wished that I had written down every individual holiday and the interesting places we had visited if I had the time. But time is always short when we are enjoying so I guess I could only summarize the places we had visited.

Thanks to my Monterey friends who had made my 2010 so beautiful. I enjoyed the Lake Tahoe, San Diego trip w u. I will also miss the "kampong style" dinner we had so frequently, the band hero and dvd nites. Of course my shopping kakis, I will remember the weekly outing to Target, Marshals, Ross, Kohls, Macys & Loft. Thanks for helping me when I am preggy so that I can continue shopping with u. It is a rare chance to make such good friends in 1 yr and I treasure the friendship we had. Thanks to my BCI friends, we are truly blessed by all of you. You had showed us what servant leaders are. Pastor Bryce & Pastor Donna, we are so blessed by both of you.

Now that I am back home, I am still trying to piece everything back. The feeling to be back is strangely familiar yet quite unknown. I guess I just got to get back into the momentum of living in a small crowded city. I am home.

A simple lesson on Obedience

2010-08-23T13:44:00.002+08:00

Caleb taught me a lesson on Obedience...

I brought Caleb to the playground 2 days ago and met some other Singaporean mothers with older kids (ard 2-5 years older than Caleb). Caleb was given a boundary at the playground and he was instructed not to cross that boundary. The boundary is set to be within a slope and a fence. He had been punished previously for stepping out of the fence.

Well, older kids do not observed such boundaries in the playground so they are running around freely. And Caleb loves to play with these big kor kors. They were playing happily at the playground when the big kor kors decided to go down the slope. Caleb ran to the edge of the slope and came to a brake when he realised he was about to cross his boundary. He looked at my direction and was inching towards the big kor kors who were having lots of fun down at the bottom of the slope. But then he stopped. He kept looking at me for approval but I didn't react. He took a step forward, and then backward, and forward and backward and this went on for a few times.

By now, the big kor kors are calling out to him to join them. But he stood at the same spot. After around 10 mins (or more), he called out to me. I calmly walked over to him and asked him what he wanted, he said, "Mama, can I go down pls?" I told him he couldn't go down on his own but I could bring him down for a while. I let him play for a while with the big boys and brought up again. On the way up, I told him I was pleased that he obeyed.

Honestly, I am more than pleased. I am overjoyed when I see my Caleb remembering my command and obeying it. Because the slope is dangerous and I will not be able to see him once he is at the bottom so I gave him a command not to cross that boundary. But his act of obedience touches me and pleases me so so much. I understand truly from God's point of view how He felt when we choose to obey Him, when we choose to die to our flesh to act on His way. And I can also feel how God must have felt when we choose to disobey and end up getting hurt or getting lost. Like any parents, God gave instruction for a reason which we may not see or understand, and the bottom line, do we choose to obey?

Caleb had taught me a lesson on obeying God that day.

2010-08-05T13:26:00.003+08:00

There are days like this day, when you feel really aimless and meaningless. When things you do don't satisfy you. When you feel so lacking and so needing. When you try to get all things done but found that there are more to be done and then you just want to stop doing all that has to be done. When you feel sleepy but you don't want to sleep. When you feel hungry but don't know what to eat. When you want to make something extra nice but just can't find the energy to do it.

what should i do in a day like this?

let me think... ok... i got out of my house but just walked around aimlessly, making my already tired and aching body more tired. i had my dinner at my friend's house but just kept minimum conversation. i return home, put caleb to sleep, bath, washed all the dishes (which i really wanted to leave to tomorrow but i didn't)

then i go to my itunes and i want listening to some worship songs and spend some time with the Lord.

the first song that was played. "everyday it's You I live for. everyday I'll follow after You. everyday I'll walk with you my Lord."

indeed, in days like this. I still live for my Lord. it is for Him I live.

New Challenge

2010-05-05T03:36:00.003+08:00

Caleb has recently posted me with a new challenge. You may think it is the current potty training program I am putting him thru, you are wrong. (That's the challenge I am putting on him n on myself). Caleb is actually showing increasing disobedience to instructions given to him.

I am not too sure when it started. I believe it could have started very long time ago. Perhaps it had started during those times when we all thought that his 'no' were just petty matters and could be ignored. Somethings really felt unimportant enough to enforce discipline, like asking Caleb to come over when he is playing his toys, asking him to stop his playtime at the playground cos it is time to go home, asking him to take his bathe etc etc. Some parenting books suggest that children must be taught to obey immediately as they were told. When you want to them to come now, stop now, it must be done NOW. At times like these, I do allow him some leeway whenever he say no. Oh these are just petty stuff, I always thought.

As days, weeks, months goes by, the 'no's are extended to more things in the daily routine. When it is time for meals, he wants to watch TV. When it is almost bedtime, he wants his food. Refusing to bath the whole day. Demanding to be to play with his toys or watch TV at inappropriate timing. It doesn't happen all the time, but I am seeing an increasing trend. The little allowance which I gave to him has begin to make him think that he is the boss in the house and I have to now obey his orders. And this role reversal is getting more and more significant on matters which I took as petty. Ok, Caleb is not all rebellious or incorrigible if that's what you are thinking, they are really small matters, but this start to set me thinking on setting things back in the right order. It may be petty matters now, but who knows where this disobedience will lead him to?

There are several things which I had insisted on Caleb since young and I found that because of that consistent discipline, those part of his life is much in order. He knows that I do not take 'no' for those matters. Like bedtime, nap time, those are no-compromise situation. When it is time to sleep, it is time to sleep. Caleb could even sleep by himself when many parents I know face the challenge of putting their kids to bed. So I think most part of his disobedience comes from us, parents who choose not to discipline or insist. When we think it is ok for him to disagree on something, when we allow him to have some of his own decisions, we are actually teaching him that disobeying us is ok. And that boundary is expanding as he challenge us daily with his 'no' and 'I want'.

I am not intending to become a psychopath mother or a dictator in Caleb's life. But I begin to see that it is a very thin line between allowing him to do what he wants or likes and bringing him up in disobedience. It is too thin and I need to learn how to handle it. This is the new challenge Caleb has posted in my life. I need new wisdom, extra discernment, creativity to handle the situation, extra discipline myself to be consistent in handling Caleb.

Is this biblical? I would think so.

Prov 19:18 " Discipline your so, for in that there is hope. Do not be the willing party in his death"

If I can't get him to obey me, someone who had shown him love in a very visible and extensive way, how can I be sure that he will obey his teachers in school or leaders in church or even God.

God command us to obey Him. He demands obedience. Obedience pleases God.

Prov 19:16 "He who obeys instructions guards his life."

2 John 1:6 " And this is love: that we walk in obedience in his command"

1 Sam 15:22 "Obedience is better than sacrifice."

Also bearing in mind that God commend us to honor our parents. How can I be teaching my son disobedience and dishonoring his parents if that's what God has commended.

How am I going to do it? Seriously I do not know the best way. But Prov 13:24 says "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Prov 22, 23 speaks of the rod, which drives out folly in the heart of the child (22:15), save the child from death (23:13, 14). Using the rod in the right way, at the right time, all requires judgment and guidance. My 1st guide is never to use it when I am angry... Well after that, I need to discern the situation.

Indeed, it is one of the most challenging time of my life.

Calling of a mother

2010-02-04T15:29:00.003+08:00

From the book " Don't make me count to three."

Sometimes I feel like just getting dressed and making it through the day is all I ever accomplish. "Isn't there something more that you wanted me to do today Lord?" Finally, I could hear that still, small voice. I may not have found a cure for cancer or conquer world hunger, but as I soak in my tub, God gently reminds me of what I did accomplish today. i had the privilege of listening to the hopes and dreams of a handsome young man who thinks I'm the greatest woman in the world. He stands just over three feet tall and only gets really excited over Legos and pizza, but he is funny and charming, and never boring.

....

I was able to dust, organize, clean, counsel and cook. I kissed away the boo-boos and washed away the tears. I praised, rebuked, encouraged, hugged and tested my patience, all before noon.

Yes, my greatest accomplishment today is nurturing the two precious children that God has entrusted to my care.

This 1st chapter of the book gave me inspiration of what accomplishment a full time mother had made out of their everyday. We may not be CEO or Director. We do not given target or KPI to meet by our boss (we dun have a boss). But everyday of our life is of great accomplishment cos we are doing what God has entrusted us to do!

There are days when I wonder if I have the calling to be a full time mother. Those are the days when Caleb nearly drive me crazy, but which jobs do not have bad days. I learn that those bad days are used to help me teach Caleb into a better boy and also to mould me to be of better character too.

As for the good times, it is countless. My heart melts each time Caleb run to me, hug me, call for me, when he bream with joy as he make small accomplishments.

2010-01-23T15:42:00.010+08:00

Updating my life in US with some photos...

Our new home in Monterey

1st Roadtrip on Christmas to Gab's Uncle's house

Big Sur Roadtrip

San Francsico Weekend

Week 3 in Monterey.

2010-01-09T16:34:00.005+08:00

It is 1 week after the last post. I am still missing home... I still want to tear when I begin to think of home. I am such a cry baby. helo, whoever reading my blog, i m still thinking of you. =)

In this 1 week, we have moved to the new place. It is double storey (I have muscle ache after 2 days of climbing up n down the stairs many many times!), fully carpeted except toilets, dining and kitchen area, has a little front yard. It feels like going to a chalet when I first move in. But as we start shifting things around, buying things to fill the house, it feels a little like dream home cos it is something I wouldn't have in Singapore.

And I begin my life as a home maker. It is a very busy job, with packed schedules and timeline to meet, oh, and with budget too. It is like doing a coordinator + operation job at the same time. My to do list is always increasing, with the priority changing at different time of the day.
It is so packed and mundane that I need to fb/msn at night to feel that I still belong to myself. (maybe only I understand what I am talking here). It is like my daily routine is determined by caleb's meal, caleb's play, caleb's abc & 1,2,3. Yet, there is fulfilment in itself as you spend the day with caleb, just being busy with his stuff. aiya, it is so hard to explain the dilemma I am facing.

I am also busy planning my MIL's visit. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT to plan someone's holiday!!!

I want to post some very beautiful pictures when I got time. that's like #?? in my list. hee...

2009-12-30T14:52:00.002+08:00

In a flash of time, I had moved out of my 4 yrs Sengkang home, quited my 5 yr job, flew a cross the pacific ocean and ended in a complete new place, with a complete new life.

The past 3 weeks passed me too fast. I am recollecting the emotions I missed out over the last 2 weeks. Tonight, as Gab and Caleb lay beside me asleep, I couldn't sleep and was looking at what's currently around me, I had a sudden flashback of what had happened. It is like I suddenly cannot accept the fact that I am already in US though this was planned 1 yr ago. This feels almost like I had swallowed big chucks of food down my throat without chewing and tasting them properly and now it is coming up again. Or maybe it is the limit which I begin to miss my mother, father, sisters, friends in Singapore.

Did I even mentioned that I am the miss-home type? Even when I was staying in hall in my uni days, I need to go home every weekend, else I will end up crying myself to sleep after 2 weekends away from home.

First, I know for sure I will miss my Sengkang home. That's the 1st place Gab and I bought, design and decorate it from nothing. Every single detail was carefully thought thru. I really miss that place. As I was packing to move out, I just do not want to think abt the emotional tots. I know if I continue to ignore it, there will be a huge eruption later.

I miss going to Pasir Ris to have dinner, to talk to my family as we eat, to have cut fruits served after dinner. I miss just simply hanging out with my sisters, even if we r doing nothing. I miss lying on lindy's bed while she is busy with dun know what. There is too much I miss... I miss daddy and mummy pampering me.

I miss the people in church, cos we just do nothing but stand in circle. I miss the standing in the circle times. I miss the sun, sitting at su's sofa n watch tv times. I miss the gals' nites out though it is a standard dinner + coffee thing. I miss my cell group cos they are the best! I love to worship with Ignite, I love the fellowship and sharing time cos we share our heart to each other.

Great... this is like a eruption of my emotions. tomorrow i will have swollen eyes. =(
I really wanted to give everyone a good, long hug at the airport that day, But I didnt, cos I know I can't stop my tears if I stay at the sending off area longer. Now I wish I had given you a longer hug cos I am going to miss it for 1 year.

Season of Advent

2009-11-28T23:59:00.004+08:00

I am personally not a fan of liturgical events that happen in church. I do not hate them but I will not wave any palm leaves to support them. Today I was reminded that this sunday, actually today as I am writing this at 12.20am, is the start of Advent again. This is the 3rd year we are doing the same thing over again for the next 4 weeks (reading the same verses and then lighting the same candle). So I decided to read and find out more abt it.

Advent means 'arrival' or 'coming'. The season of Advent starts 4 weeks before Christ arrival, signifying the wait and the anticipation of His coming. It signifies hope and joy. Over the years, different denomination celebrate it differently (w different colour themes) but the focus remains much the same. And the focus is not only the celebration of Jesus' birth but also the anticipation of Jesus' 2nd coming. The latter is fairly new to me!

The Advent symbol is sign of Alpha and Omega taken from Rev 1:8 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the End, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."It is not only the celebration of the past but also of the present and the future, where we are constantly reminded of why Jesus had to come, and Him being in our midst and Him coming again.

Dennis Bratcher from his online article on The season of Advent,
"Advent also symbolizes the spiritual journey of individuals and a congregation, as they affirm that Christ has come, that He is present in the world today, and that He will come again in power."
"The spirit of Advent is expressed well in the parable of the bridesmaids who are anxiously awaiting the coming of the Bridegroom (Matt 25:1-13). There is profound joy at the Bridegroom’s expected coming. And yet a warning of the need for preparation echoes through the parable."

From as young as 11 years old, Christmas, to me, is the most beautiful event of the year and I always look forward to it. Because the celebration of Christmas is on the eve and actual day, I always wish that I could really celebrate it 12 days. And to lengthen the celebration of Christmas, I will start with Christmas shopping, Christmas deco, party planning. This is how I prolong my Christmas celebration.

But for this year, I think I had started the celebration of Christmas with the understanding of Advent. I want to take time to remember, or refresh my memory of Christ coming again for the next four weeks. As I gain greater understanding of its purpose, I think it will give me conviction of take the next 4 weeks of celebration more seriously and look at the liturgy more meaningfully.

p.s. There are several articles which tells us the details of Advent celebration, like the colour of candles, what each week symbolises etc etc which is not blogged here. It is really interesting to read abt it!

Historical moment

2009-09-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

this is the historical moment of my life and i hope to do a record of it... i m 10 mins from my 30th birthday. i m crossing from the twenties to the thirties... i can no longer associate myself with the 21, 22 yrs old youngsters because i was in my 20s (even at 29 yr old). from tomorrow onwards, i m not anymore.

reaching 30 brings me a very mix and complex feelings. even though i still feel young at some times, but the big 3 reminds me that i m not young. so i m really stuck in the i think i feel young but maybe i m not really young space. sometimes i think to myself that i shld stop thinking i m young and start moving on the next phase of my life and embrace my 30s with new lifestyle. (is it complex?? do i sound complex? )

the journey of my 30 yrs...

1st yr - i was borned
2nd yr -
3rd yr - i had a sister!!! candy was borned
4th yr - kindergarden, i think i shld be having fun
5th yr - start ballet. i dun remember enjoying the classes...
6th yr - i went to macpherson pri for pre-pri school. I remember being the youngest student in my school bus. it was fun! this is the yr which lindy was borned.
7th yr - pri 1. the first Christian song i learn is 'God is so good.'
8th yr -
9th yr - pri 3. i did v well for my exams and was promoted to a better class. i remember being v proud of myself.
10th yr - i went for chinese story telling competition n came in 4th.
11th yr - i had my first crush on a guy sitting in front of me.
12th yr - my psle yr. it was a yr of studying n very little play. but i did v well.
13th yr - i m glad to be in cedar's girls and it was the first time i became class monitress. Cedar rocks!!!
14th yr - i was selected to be in the prefectorial board. this was probably the start of my leadership development. i brought my sisters out for our 1st movie... i cant remember what show. =(
15th yr - i think this was the age which i receive my 1st love letter. i wonder why cause i really look very nerdy... very ugly... =P. i think i had my 1st unofficial boyfriend in this year (actually just a guy who first held my hand).
16th yr - a very impt year of my life! i became a christian!! i join charis sunday school. my family went to US this year and we had the most wonderful time of our life!!!
17th yr - i remember feeling adult at this age but actually when i look back, i m pretty childish...i was pretty drawn to my own activities and away from my family. my parents became christians!!!
18th yr - graduated from jc with not so satisfying results. took on my 1st full time temp job at HQ link. my first taste to working life.
19th yr - life in a mess as i immerse into hall life. 1st time to clubbing, drinking and exposure to the chaos of the world (i thank God that i didnt get myself into any big mess, or trouble as i open my eyes to the temptation of the world)
20th yr - God is faithful, I rededicated my life to Jesus! Thanks for Sharon, (Asher's mum), who consistently met up with me and visited me in my hall. I was never the same after 1998 youth camp. n i promise never to turn from God since then. I went for my 1st mission trip in Japan, Love Tokyo '99. i also decided to not stay in hall and moved back home, even though i m staying in pasir ris n have to travel to NTU everyday! I got to know my 2 bestest friend, rachel n pat. and i got to know gab, who came to attend charis n my cell.
21st yr - gab became a christian n we got attached!!!
22nd yr -
23rd yr - gab n i went to queue for our sengkang flat. we queued for 3 days 3 nights. and finally we became proud owners of our currently 5 rm flat. gab proposed to me on 5th july and we are engaged!!!
24th yr - we both graduated from uni and started work. I found a job in HP and i m very blessed to be in this job.
25th yr - i became a diver!!! roy n su got married in Jan. gab n i got married on 16th Jul.
26th yr - most enjoyable holiday w gab in Florida, 5 days in disney world n universal studios.
27th yr - i conceived Caleb and the rest of the 9 months were days of carrying caleb ard and preparing for his arrival.
28th yr - caleb was borned on 15th apr. ranen was borned on the same day too...
29th yr - I thank God for this 1 year of blessings and watching over me!

it is 1am.. took me more than 1 hr to recall my 30 yrs... happy birthday to me!!!

memories of my childhood

2009-09-17T11:49:00.002+08:00

Last night when i was trying to fall asleep, suddenly memories of my childhood flooded my mind. I am quite sure it was not a dream...

I suddenly remember the times when can, lin n I dress up and play jia(3) jia(3) (i think only they will understand what i talking abt), the bedtime stories (this is the end of story... goodnight...), how we share a 40cents waffle ice-cream, and candy like the yam flavour one but lin and i like the chocolate one but we will still share 1 ice-cream. I remember how we pack up our messy room and attempt to keep it very tidy. I even vaguely remember we have some shared funds which we will buy stuff for each other's birthday. I remember how we love to roll around our mattress during cold weather cos the mattress will feel so cold for us to stay in 1 position. I especially missed the nights which we all squeeze together on 1 bed (single bed!!) and talk till it is very late at night (that's explains our eye bags)

I missed those times suddenly. I missed it so much that I started tearing a little.

I really thank God for giving me 2 sisters, so that we can sleep together in 1 room til we are married and we can learn to share clothes and many other stuff and woirk out the conflicts and differences because so many of our things are shared. Nothing really belongs to 1 person because it is in the room shared by 3 persons. I still treasure the times (though very little) when I can have coffee or a meal with my sisters occassionally.

I hope we will have more time for one another. Thank God for both of u can and lin. I wouldnt trade anything in the world for the times we had. Nothing beats having 2 sisters fighting over big and small stuff with me. As we always said, we are all so different, if we were not sisters, maybe we will not even be friends. But God put us together for a good purpose, to mould us and make us what we are today. Love You both!!!!!

shopaholic

2009-08-18T11:54:00.000+08:00

I am a shopaholic! I cant stop browsing the online stores and they are having discounts that are too tempting to resist!!! I need to start packing my stuff and so I need to stop buying! STOP!!!!
Seriously, I am going to stop! From today onwards, from this point onwards, no more online shopping!!!

What's next God?

2009-07-27T12:01:00.005+08:00

Recents encounters and events made me evaluate my life purpose again. It is like a reminder from God once in a while to realign myself to Him and to make sure I am still walking in His will. (God always send me these reminders every 2 years...)

I have been meeting up with one of my cell members recently. In short, she told me that she cannot go on with her life like that without a purpose. She cannot just come to church every Sunday without knowing the purpose. She wants to know God again. God did not only appeared to her and changed her. God used her as a reminder to me.

Another of my cell member blogged abt his tots before going on a worship seminar. My immediate feelings is "Yes! I want to be like that. I want to have that same feeling like what he had felt" It brought to me a strong longing to be a true worshipper of God. Worshipping Him with my life.

A recent call from Ps Andy also reminded me of my once-upon-a-time passion to serve God full- time. Though I am not sure if it is my calling now, but it did reminded me to check with God again where I should be heading next. His call for me to stay in my workplace 5 years ago may had changed now and I cannot just bury myself in my work everyday and not listen out to God's call. Well, it may not be full-time ministry, it may be some other place that I should be moving to.

Yesterday I visited my grandma who is aged and not too well. She did not have a easy life when my grandfather died at a young age, leaving her with 5 young kids (my youngest uncle was still an infant then). And she was telling us the stories of her "world tour". She had been to Japan, New Zealand, Australia, many parts of China, Taiwan and almost went to South Africa. She said that she was glad she did travel before her health turned bad 2 years ago. Since then, she spent most of her days in bed being angry and unhappy abt life and people in her life. To my grandma, she had probably see travelling and seeing the world a great part of her life and I think, at least she had enjoyed her life. Though I sincerely hope she will become happier til she depart from this world.

40 days of community also give me upteem of opportunities to reflect more of my life since I have to consistently read the book daily for next 40 days. I kept thinking to myself as I read the book. "M I like what the book says I should be? or M I more like what the book say I shouldnt be". "M I living a life God will be pleased or M I not?"

An article was sent to me with this statement. "An average lifespan of man is 78 and woman 82. Minus this from your current age and multiply by 365 days is how many days you have left. And tomorrow is 1 day less..." I have 18980 days left by calculation, but who knows when will God call me back to be with Him. I am not stating this as a pessimistic point of view, rather to come to the simple fact that we cannot think we have all the time in the world. It is urgent! It has to be now!

I have been bombarded with many reminders again and again.

As we grow in God, God poses more challenges in our lives to mould us to be more like Him. He gives us more difficult questions in our lives to help us yearn to Him and think more like Christ. I can feel that the new few days, maybe months will be a wrestling period with God to align myself to God again. His calling VS my priorities and wants.

It is tough to be a true disciple. Yet it is an exciting journey that I want to take on!

Speaking into the life of my child

2009-03-17T12:24:00.003+08:00

Candy gave me a book "Prayers and Promises for my Little Boy" on Christmas. It is a great book which shows the different areas I can pray for Caleb. The thing I love about this book is also the verses quoted that show God's promises...

Little Caleb was experiencing separation anxiety around 6 months. While other babies allow people to carry them, Caleb only want me and no one else. Sometimes no even Gabriel. We tried many methods yet it was not successful. He just wanted to stick to me. Rachel consulted some experienced mothers and was told this could last till the age of 2. Well, in my mind, I was thinking of what I can do to help him overcome this. As we chatted, Rachel suggested that we could pray for him more often...

And so I did...

At first, I prayed for God to give me wisdom. To show me methods to help Caleb overcome this separation anxiety. I read books and materials etc etc... and continue praying... One night, as I was praying for Caleb, God reminded me of the prayer book, about speaking God's word into Caleb's lives. As I begin to pray, unknowingly, or maybe knowingly, I started to pray that Caleb's will find security in Christ. That even if we are not around, he will know that we love him, Just as God is unseen but God is always with Him. Caleb's security is not only in daddy and mummy but in Christ! Oh what a prayer...

I thanks God that I do see improvement in Caleb. It will take time but I know only God can change Caleb!!!

my new eyes

2008-12-02T08:38:00.003+08:00

i am typing this with my new 'eyes'. though the vision is still a little blur...kinda feeling like wearing blur contact lens... but it is really great...
when i went to bed last night, i was still feeling like my glasses were on... but no, it was my pair of new 'eyes'. it is great to be free from glasses after 20 years.

a clearer view tomorrow

2008-12-01T09:53:00.002+08:00

i am doing my lasik surgery today. i am so excited!!! but so scare at the same time. have been wearing my specs for the past 20+ years, i can't imagine how it is like without all these hassles again...without having to search for my specs in the morning, without having to put the contact lens into my small, sleepy eyes, without the red eyes after removing my lens... the benefits are just too many to count...
what abt the risk???? i do not want to think abt it since i have decided to go for the op. =)
i m having butterflies in my stomach. m supposed to finish 2 reports before i got off from work for the next 2 days but i am so so excited that i can't concentrate on the reports...
okies... see u with a clearer vision from tomorrow... =)

2008-08-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

lindy needs a holiday far from home, i m also hoping to take a break overseas soon.
it has been 1 month since i am back at work. handling caleb, work, chores @ home, time w gab, cell, friends is not easy. becos of the frequent OT, i feel pretty sad not being able to spend time with caleb. On good days, i will have 2 hours w him before he goes to bed. On bad days, it will be just a short 1/2hr of hugging. It is just a short 10-12 years when he will want to spend time with me yet these precious years are further shorten by my daily absence from his side.
Does this make sense? That I dun have the time for him when he needs me most and then later hope for him to spend time with me when he is already independant.
Wat is my priority? To pursue my career because i dun want my 20 years of education to be wasted or to bring up my son whom I brought to this earth.

Looking at caleb brings you the most amazing feeling. it is a mixture of gladness, joy, happiness, excitement. I can so imagine God feeling the same way as He look at us. No matter how bad we are, or how disobedient we can be, He will still look at us and smile, simply becos we are created by Him. And He is pleased with His creation.

ok. I am going to look at my calendar and plan for a holiday with gab.

2008-07-08T10:00:00.003+08:00

6am: caleb and i will usually go back to sleep side by side after the morning feed but this morning he didn't go back to zzz... he stay awake and watch me as i prep to work, maybe he sense the difference this morning.

7.30am: loaded caleb and stuff in the car and going to my mum's place. he held my finger tight as he fell asleep in the car... i was missing him already...

8am: caleb left w my mum and gab sent me to work. i kept my mind off caleb so that the tears will stop. i told myself to kept every min occupied so that 5.30pm will come faster...

10am (now):finish clearing my emails and is waiting for things to do, fighting to not think of caleb and i think penning down my feelings here may help. better not tear in case my collegues see.

Countdown to end of 3 months leave

2008-07-07T16:33:00.007+08:00

I am counting down the last few hours of my maternity leave. 2 months and 3 weeks flew past me and I am going back to work tomorrow. I have been having very mixed feelings for the past few days. On sat night, I was having first-day-of-school feeling, it comes with slight excitement to meet my collegues again and to start my new role in my job. On sun night (yesterday night), I was feeling really sad. I suddenly had the miss-caleb-very-much feeling, it is like a heart aching feeling which comes when gabriel goes on biz trip.

Looking back at the past 2 months and 3 weeks, I think I had almost completed what I wanted to do. I had experienced what a full-time mother + housewife is like. With no help after my confinement, I managed to handle caleb + housework + cooking. The experience was very good, though I wouldn't say I want to do this for a longer period. It is satisfying when you have clean floors, empty laundry bag, ironed clothes, and neat wardrobes + a delicious meal laid out for your husband when he returns home. I am pretty much as satisfied when I am working. I do sometimes wonder if I can stay at home full time. The only and biggest difference is the social part. I feel the lack of communication when I stay at home. I am just a task completor (if there's such a word). The whole social part of my life went missing and that's probably the greatest reason why I still belong to the working community.

Back to Caleb... Caleb had started responding to us from abt 3weeks ago, just before he hit 2 months. He smile and giggles and 'talk' back when we talk to him. He is especially responsive in the morning at abt 8-9am. Caleb also enjoy bathtime and playtime more. He loves his daily playtime on the play gym after his lunch feed before he takes his long 2hr nap. He has also started to sleep for 8 hrs at night before he reaches 2 month and so Gab and I have our free time after he goes to bed at 10pm. =)

playtime

I am also experience in bringing Caleb to shopping after the disaestrous shopping trip. He enjoys having his afternoon nap in aircon shopping mall while I do my shopping, just dun step into shops that play techno or rock music, else he will be so irritated that he will scream and cry.

Caleb also experience his first pool session. It is like a 10 min feet washing session, he is not very comfortable the cold pool water so we decided to take it slowly. Gotto do it again and again, daddy n mummy love to swim so caleb got to learn to love the sport too...

I guess all these happen because I kept telling myself not to give up at 1 bad experience. Anyway, having a son is a totally new thing to me so if I fail today, I can always try tomorrow.

Some memorable events...

Huang Teng & Li Kiang's ROM- S11 class photo w partners

Happy 26th Birthday Candy!!! (Aunty Lindy is not carrying caleb properly)

we brought caleb for a dip in the pool, he was whinning as it was the first time he touches cold water, mayb not so memorable for him...

adventure in orchard

2008-05-29T12:29:00.003+08:00

yesterday was an adventurous day when i decided to go shopping with caleb... in orchard!!! the adventure started with rainy weather in orchard, there is no way I can move around with the pram above ground so it is underpass all the way. if u think that doesnt sound bad, u are wrong, those who shop in orchard frequently, you will know the number of stairs we have to use to move from 1 place to another... so super no baby friendly...i also forget to bring the very very important silencing tool - pacifier. so i end up shopping with a crying baby.

thank God rachel was with me and she help to carry caleb while i try on the clothes.

so 1st attempt at orchard is not that successful...

oh... tangs nursing room is super cool. it is like you have your own private area, a comfortable armchair to nurse your baby. they even provide steriliser and hot water. i give it 5 stars!!!

some new photos

full month party at royal park hotel

caleb in sunglasses

May Day holiday - Family day

2008-05-07T16:58:00.005+08:00

The first PH with my baby. Instead of spending the day at shoppping mall or hanging out with friends like every other PH, this day is spent as a family day. (i guess that's how it is when u have a family)

We had fun playing w Caleb (or rather playing him cos he still dun know how to play... heehee) and catching naps/ tv-ing while he is asleep.

playtimegab trying to make him smile

managed to catch him smile *_*

he is getting impatient...

yawnzzz

his classic 'chicken little' look... nvr fail to make me laugh

Since my last blog, many had sent encouraging sms or msn asking how i am? Thanks for your lovessss... I am doing much better now. I am getting used to all this mother thing. I even have time to sneak out for a drink w friends, update my facebook, plan for the 1st month party, read etc etc.

As my confinement ends, more challenges will be ahead. I will have to cope w being alone at home w Caleb, handling household chores, going out w him, going back to church and cell w him... so much more for me to learn...

oh yah... i must also start my exercise routine!!! ok ok... i better take 1 step at a time

Happy 1 week old, Caleb!!

2008-04-22T17:32:00.005+08:00

Caleb is 1 week old!!!

Caleb Tham Kai Le, born on 15th April 2009, 3:50pm, weigh 3.44kg. He took his first breath after 14hrs in the labour ward (actual labour is abt 10hrs). Yes, I used ephidural after being in immerse pain for 5 hours. After that jab, I could sleep thru all the contractions.

Here are some of the pictures...

"i am 3.44kg!!"

baby and me first peep (w 1 eye)

first family picture

cell photo- new member of Ignite

Daddy and Caleb first outing

My life is changed since Caleb's first cry. All other activities ceased or take the lowest priority except feeding Caleb, changing Caleb's diapers, sterilising Caleb's bottle...My mind is just filled w "When did Caleb last eat?", "When's the next feed?", "Is 50 ml enough?". Trust me, being a mother is really tough...

I had never felt so helpless and upset before. My heart had never been broken so many times in my whole 29 yrs of life. Each time he cry and cry until his voice turn hoarse, my heart breaks, yet I was determined not to run to him at the very first sec he cries. I kept asking myself why does my baby cry so much? what's wrong? Did I mishandled him? Am I not giving him enough milk? But yet all these questions has no answer cos Caleb cannot response to me. It is like a broken communication where my pleas for him to stop crying is turn to deaf ear (by his deafening cries).

Then it is all the people around me, who sincerely cared for me and Caleb. I know all the good intentions and I seriously believe they love me and him. But each time he cry, before I can evaluate and think what I should do, thousands of suggestions are thrown at my direction and many of which contradicts. Well, they are my seniors so it makes it harder to ignore their suggestions.

Alas! I can't hold my emotions anymore and broke down 3 times. I need to let my emotion run so my tears run and flow like nigara falls (only in front of Gab). Thank God for a supportive husband. With 1 hand carrying a crying baby, trying to coax him, and the other hugging me, trying to coax me, it is tough being a father as well. He is calm and patient. He read up and help me understand that situation which I failed to see clearly. Together, we pray and think of different strategies to find out Caleb's needs...

Well, it is still tough... but I know I am more in control now. My mind is clearer when he cry and I am not as panicky. As Gab says, Caleb is less than a week old, everything takes time. We need time to adjust to him and so does he. He is also trying to get used to being out of my womb. I now look at this month of confinement as a month of getting to know someone new and also allowing him to know me. I look forward to achieving a non-vebal understanding between Caleb and myself.

A big thanks to all those who have shown concern and pray for me during my pregnancy. Pray for me even more for now, my friends. This is the beginning of my training to becoming a mother.

A new phase of life - coming soon

2008-04-03T16:24:00.004+08:00

I am approaching my final 2 weeks of pregnancy. Praise God for watching over me these 9 months. Over the last 2 weeks, my stomach grow in an incredible speed, telling me that Caleb is really getting too big for my small body and is waiting to come into this world. I have also slowly (and truly) being to feel like a mother as I prepare his room, wash his clothes (they are so tiny and cute, and they smell really good), put up his toys. I begin to understand why my mum took so much effort in doing some things for us when we were still young. Like I could never understand why she must keep the house so clean and wash the clothes so thoroughly, leaving no time for herself to rest. I found myself doing the same thing, ensuring every toy is carefully wiped with sterilised solution, every piece of clothing is washed cleaned. Even when my feet is already swollen to almost twice their size now and I walk around like a duck, I will still be cleaning Caleb's cupboard, bed and many other things. I know we all inherit this from our Father in Heaven, who will never rest and ensure the best for His children.

Matthew 7:9-11

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

my collegue, Envi, just gave birth last week. The joy on her face tells me that her 10hrs of labour pain was all worth it. Even when she was talking to us, her eyes never fails to turn to her sleeping daughter every 5 mins (maybe even more frequent).

Envi's daughter, Caydence

I hope the next time I will be posting Caleb's pictures. Keep me in your prayers as I go into my 40th week.

2008-03-11T13:52:00.002+08:00

This is the 35th week. 5 more weeks and we will all get to see caleb. It is pretty exciting as days approaches. The most common question people ask lately is "Are you scared?". My answer "No la..." But truly, the natural part of me is of course scare, scare of pain, scare of prolong delivery time. Well, if these comes naturally, what help does it bring if I do say I am scare. I chose to face it bravely. thinking abt it will not make it less painful (if pain is meant to be). Looking at the possiblity that I can have a painless childbrith brings more excitement as days goes by.

Dun get me wrong, it is not like i m in denial. it is just too common to know the diffcult part of childbirth, dun u think TV program, books and friends' testimony have given us enough solid evidence that childbirth is painful, so i think i need not dwell into this further to reinforce the fact that women have been facing this over centuries. Looking at the other side of the fence, there have been more and more positive testimonies from people as well who did not face pain or any difficulties in childbirth. I am listening to the positive testimonies of people to have experience childbirth differently from the "common" ones. Maybe painless and fearless childbirth is really common but just that human always like to look at the negative things.

Well, seriously, this is my first time, so i am really inexperience to comment further. My answer will continue be "no la, no scare la..." anyway, my mind is just my cute cute boy who is kicking me every 2 hours. and i really thank God for keeping me, watching me these 35 weeks. Thanks my dearest Father in Heaven for this gift so that I know how you feel as Father.

2008-01-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

I had wanted to share this some time ago… it is until today that I have time to pen down this testimony.
There was a tiny piece of flesh that hangs near my upper arm for a long long time and though it was tiny, it didn’t look good whenever I wore sleeveless tops. I absolutely hated it and wanted to have it removed for sometime but didn’t have a chance to do it.

On my 20th week of my pregnancy, I had some virus infection and was on antibiotics for 2 weeks. My gynae told me the antibiotics should remove the virus and she would check again later in my pregnancy stage. I was telling myself that I believe the virus is already gone. Well, maybe I did have a little doubt in my mind so God spoke to me one morning…

…I was bathing and praying for complete healing of the virus that morning. A thought (which I believe it was from God) came to me. “Wendy, why not you lay hands on the flesh that you always wanted to remove and pray that it will fall off today. I will show you that if I can remove this small little flesh, I can remove the virus from your body.”
Even though I have prayed for healing on myself several times before but not once have I ever prayed like how I prayed after I heard God spoken to me. I laid my hand on the flesh and commanded it to come off in the name of Jesus. The command was full of authority (which I never felt so strongly before). It was determined and strong.
Nothing happen in the next few minutes, but I begin to thank God that healing is taking place and He has begin to do His work. Still nothing happen as yet…

That very evening after I came home, I check on the flesh again and realized it had turn black and sort of enlarge a little…(I was a little scared… haha). I gently touched it and give it a tuck and it came off!!!! Praise God

So here's my testimony. No problem is too big for my God, no sickness is too serious that He cannot heal.

some pictures to share

2008-01-17T15:03:00.000+08:00

dun mistaken... this is not my boy. my collegue, khim has given birth to this cute boy yesterday. i am so excited for her. it is like watching her baby growing in her tummy and then now in real person... what a joy to see a new born... see, he is sleeping so peacefully. despite our disturbs, he refuse to wake up.

as i was downloading picture, i saw this one taken some time ago so decided to post it as well. we were at island creamary one sunday... after eating 4 scoops of ice-cream, the guys felt unsatisfied and go for 1 full tub... i forgot they are boys, shouldnt have even started off the the 4 scoops... in the end, i feel like puking...

me not in pic (dun think i will load the photo for your viewing if i am in)

God's blessing - Caleb

2007-12-12T16:46:00.000+08:00

it is so amazing to watch a baby's growth every month thru the ultrasound scan and it is so exciting too preparing for the arrival of the baby. It just remind me of the arrival of baby Jesus the many many years ago. If the arrival of a ordinary child can bring so much joy to the parents' heart, how much more joy there could be on the arrival of a special child. no wonder we sing Joy to the World, because it is indeed a joy, joy to the family to receive a new born in the house, and joy to the world when a child is born for the world.

Gabriel and I decided on Caleb (you can check out the name from the bible in Numbers). Caleb and Joshua were the 2 out of the 12 who came back with good report of the promise land. Caleb, becos he had a different spirit, could see the goodness of the land and so enter the land that God had promised to the Israelites. =)

I am now searching for Chinese names. It is so exciting. =) keep you all updated soon....

2007-10-01T10:06:00.000+08:00

i am feeling exhausted today... my body just doesn't feel right or in tune...my mind is drifting in and out of different tots all the time. i can't concentrate. my heart is exhausted today, so exhausted that i dun feel like feeling happy or sad or angry. is it the emotional roller coaster people talk abt that i m facing today?

i think i have tried my best, but mayb it is not-so best or not best enough. sometimes i also think so... i ask myself " are u sure this is the best? you mean u cant do better?" so did i actually do my best? i always look at the good things to keep me going but i cant ignore the bad things happening now...

if i give up now... ok, i dun even want to think abt that... not right to give up... if God didnt even give up on me the many times i think He would...

i m in such random tots. i m tired. i want to take a break tomorrow but it is such a packed day. mayb i shld have all my meeting packed in the morning and then take a half day break.

i feel so useless at times. i m timid at nature i guess, low risk taker. "Be bold!" says the Lord. I hope to be bolder. I hope to be able to step into the lion's den, to go into the burning furnace, to face Goliath. God, help me....

thanks for all your blessings

2007-09-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

one more year has passed. another 23rd sep.
as the years go on, there is no much to celebrate...
i had dinner w cell grp, dinner with family and dinner with my few best friends...
it is a nice cosy thing now, not the ra-ra birthdays that used to be...
i receive my birthday present from JP today, a top for the big tummy me... thanks candy!!!
got a watch from my mum, another top from pat...

baby is 4.5cm in length. it is so exciting to see baby again... it is like the most exciting thing thru the weekend, waiting to see him/her on Monday... thru a blur image...
i guess that's how it is being a mum and dad (for gab), u just hope u can scan everything u want to so that u can take a glimpse of baby....

i am feeling less tired lately though occasionally u will literally want to sleep on the spot, no matter where u are...my mouth got weird taste all the time...

gab says he never buy anything for me, but i think he gave me all the love and care and concern thru these 2 months... no money can buy... and actually he buy me some bottoms which cause a bomb....

2007-09-07T13:46:00.000+08:00

God's word to me this week and I stand in awe of Him

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." Psalms 139: 13-14

I am so glad Gabriel will be back tomorrow night! Really miss him.

2007-08-20T15:42:00.000+08:00

greetings from Houston. it is 2.30am now. not that i can't get to sleep but rather i just woke up from my power nap... the time difference and the 20hrs flight took a toll on my body so, though i wanted to keep myself awake to adjust to houston timing, my body decided otherwise and i went to bed at 7pm!!! So now i am wide awake.
i didnt eat much as well and i am super hungry when i wake up. forgetting all the diet i am in, i soak my cup noodle with not-so-boiling hot water and now i am enjoying my cup noodle while blogging. thank God for cup noodles!!!!!
i went shopping at kathy mills outlet. every shop is on sale today. fall sale. but i was so so tired that i didnt want to try on clothes. (lin, i ended up buying clothes for u...)
oh and i am staying in homewood suite, the rooms here are huge!!!! the rooms are all suites (i think that's why call homewood suites). i am actually sitting in the living room now and there is a small kitchen. then there is a mircowave oven, stove, a big fridge and a dish washer (which i dun know how to use), i have a huge bed with 6 pillows and there are 2 tv in this suite... i wish i havemy camera to take a picture to show u how big it really is... but then again, why would 1 person need such a big place... just make me feel more alone...

great! it is 3am now. and if the sleeping spell dun hit me now. i am going to zzzz thru tomorrow meeting esp the post lunch slot... i have finished my cup noodle... like not enuff le... feel like having 1 more =P. i also bought mac cheese, just put into mircowave... aiya how... very hungry le... think i better go sleep now...

i m like a glass of champagne

2007-08-02T10:23:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i felt so excited... and that's why i feel like a glass of champagne. the excitement is like bubbling inside me... it is really hard to describe. i m approaching the 40 days of purpose campaign in good light. i so believe i will grow thru it. i am believing my cell will grow together thru this. i am believing that my church will grow thru this.

at first, i tell myself not to get too excited, in case it is not as happening as it sounds to be. But God reminded of the lessons I've learnt in the beginning of the year on faith.
Heb 12: 1 (NKJV) "faith is a substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" and NLT quote it as " faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance of things we do not see" what i hope and want to see happen, i must first put faith in that it will happen. and most imptly put faith not in man (the planning comm) but in God.
Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (this verse came to me 2 times last week, like God reminding me again and again it is not our plans but His will be done)

2007-07-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

i m drinking bubble tea again. Bubble tea is really addictive and also very fattening.
Some days, I drink it daily and I think it contributes to the weight gain!!!!
soon my face will look like the 'pearls' in the bubble tea...
Sorry, feeling very monday blues today so talking very much of rubbish.

Nipponland day 1&2

2007-07-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

Today is my first full and last day in Nagoya. It is really exciting here. I have so so much to share!!!!

Yesterday we touched down in Tokyo to take a transit flight to Nagoya. Well, the flight was cancelled due to the typhoon in Japan. after much confirmation with the airport staff, they direct us to take the Shingansen (bullet train) to Nagoya. Amazingly, the schedule we got brought us to Nagoya earlier than taking the plane!!!

In the Shingansen

The train ride is great, I slept most part of it (since I didn't sleep the night before ) and it was really fast. Before i knew it, we reached Nagoya, Candy was supposed to picked us up at the station, we waited for some time before she came (i tot the fetcher should be there waiting..hmm...) She was late because of the shopping. It is like great Japan sale, everywhere is 50% off!!!! And my shopping starts as well!!

Here our first dinner in Japan...

Yummy Food!!!

Day 2 - Nagoya Dome...

We were awaken by the noise in kitchen... That's Candy cooking our breakfast... we have hotcakes happy meal and it makes us really very happy...

Today's Nipponland adverture starts in Nagoya Dome. It is like a huge shopping mall with lotsa things...

pretty umbrellas, i m so tempted to buy one, but i hardly use them...
Lin, do u like this, the small pictures are mushrooms...

I bought lots of clothes. No wonder Lindy says no need to bring clothes there, everything there is nicer than what I brought. And they are on sale so every piece is like less than $20!!! I already spend $170 shopping in less than 2 days.

After a yummy lunch, we went to Candy's church, NC3. There is like 30 people, Candy says it is usually not that crowded but because there is 2 person getting baptised today. They sang hillsongs in Japanese so gab and i could follow in english. The presence of God is definitely there, even when I couldn't understand the prayer, I could sense so much thanksgiving and joy in the hearts of the believers. The world is really small, I met Ayumi, who happens to be the daughter of the Pastor of NC3 and she is Pat's friend.

there is so many people in church todaybaptism in the bathroom

Pat's friend, Ayumi and me

After church, we immediately rush home to change into our Yukato (a japanese costume) and head to Nagoya Port. The pictures will explain it all. It is really a beautiful port and we took so so so many pictures. We could potentially be perspiring but the weather was so perfect, God is so good, it was super windy because of the typhoon yesterday yet there is no rain today. We also managed to catch the hanabi (fireworks) at the port. We were all very hungry before we settle for western food at Cats Garden. The dessert is superb!!!!

Candy, Jiamin, Pamela and I in Yukata

japanese wannabesGab not in Yukata

i am proud of the ribbon i tied, very kawaii

Yummy ice-cream after dinner...

After this, we took a slow stroll to the subway and went home... We all can't wait to get out of the yukata!!!! hahahahahaha....we can breathe at last!!!

Back from camp

2007-06-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

I had a great time at Port Dickson.
Rev Mark Chan spoke on David's life. We heard about David for like 10 if not 20 times but i guess if i have not live like David, I have not really become a woman after God's heart... I felt I learnt about David all over again, this time even more. The most significant thing I have learnt is abt facing the Goliath of my life. Sometimes, I just felt so timid in front of some people. But in David's heart, he only fear God and not even a giant like Goliath. It is only if I start fearing God more than fearing man, I can move as God leads.

Other than sermons, the team time was great, we built our own houses, drew vineyards. Is it because I am older now, I felt I could click with the adults better... I felt great fellowship with them.

This album is powered by BubbleShare - Add to my blog

Seriously there is nothing to do at Port Dickson, we played Bang every night til 1 plus am. And in the afternoon we just hang around walk ard. We are so bo liao that we start taking funny pictures...

This album is powered by BubbleShare - Add to my blog十连拍。。。what we do on a boring afternoon free time...

Well, all in all, I had a great great time. Ok. I am ready to get back to office and faced my hundreds, if not, thousands of emails!!!

Church Camp - Port Dickson

2007-05-28T01:09:00.000+08:00

Bags are packed, heart prepared, ready to go for my 1-week 'vacation'.
4 days of camp (3 days to be exact, 1/2 day to travel there and 1/2 day back), what will i hear from the Lord? It is really exciting when you really put aside time for the Lord. Cos you know that this time is consecrated for no one else, with no other agenda but to rest physically and rest in the presence of God.

We packed a few different card games there. Swap, Bang, Uno. Heard that the place we are going is very very ulu, may not even have prata or ramly burger.
Sushin left her dog at a pet hotel today cos she will be with me at the camp. She super miss her dog... Ian had diarrhea, i hope he will be well by tomorrow else the trip there will be bad for him. XM will be going Mongolia on Tues, I believe it will be a good trip for her. Hopefully she do not lose anymore weight there. She doesn't like mutton...

it is 1.30am now. i am very tired but cant seems to put my excitement to rest.
But still I better sleep else my exciting camp may become a flu-ish camp...
Ok. Will update when i get back on thurs. Friday still on leave. Yipee!!!!

My turn to go JAPANing

2007-05-23T09:33:00.000+08:00

After Lindy write so so much on her blog on her japaning, I so wish I was there with her!!!

My wish is coming true in July. I am japaning, MY TURN NOW!!!

Planning for holiday is a very exciting experience... Though Lindy says I am crazy to do that kind of detail planning, I am excited looking at my planning spreadsheet filled up with information. Candy says Japan will be super hot in July. She says the sun is like right behind you. Then Japan do not wear spagetti top... We are also going Mt Fuji and Disney Sea, so so exciting... Gab n I managed to get free Northwest air tickets so we are just going to spend our money on food food food... thinking of all the sashimi, shabu shabu makes me drool... (I cant wait til JP, think i will have jp food this week)

Mt Fuji pic from website I am going to scale this mountain!!!

2007-05-15T15:27:00.000+08:00

Flowers for me!!!

thank you dear dear for the beautiful flowers.

though i do not have green fingers and the flowers die within a week in my care,

i still love them cos it is from you!!! =)

A very good friday

2007-04-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

On Thurs, 1 day before good friday, i was reading my friend's blog (http://pattypat-chiang.blogspot.com/2007/03/saved4areason.html).
This is the part that caught my attention..

" Someone said this before, 'All it takes for evil to succeed is for people to do nothing at all'. All the devil needs to do to succeed in bringing as many people with him to hell is to convince as many christians to do nothing about this precious gift that we possess.To get us to feel nothing, say nothing, and be oblivious to the cries of people who are yet to be saved, not seeing the bleeding heart of Jesus when He sees so many precious ones dying each day without knowing Him as their Lord and King, their Savior and Friend."

I am glad to say that we did not do nothing this Good Friday. It is so easy to tell yourself that you have work hard day in day out and need a break over this long weekend.
It is so easy to sleep til late morning, watch tv thru the afternoon and waste the evening away.
But I am glad we did something so that the Lord's death 2000 years ago did not come to nothing.

The very purpose for Jesus's death to bring life to us. And Good Friday, （耶稣受难日），is the day where Jesus die for us all, even before we come to accept him as our Lord. He die for all not just me but all.

This is the very thing that amazes me til today. His love...

So as I was saying, we had our very first cell outreach party. The response was good with 4 new friends. When Nathan shared the song and Lindy, her testimony, I know the seed of love has been planted in the heart of all.

day 3 in Shanghai - dinner perfected w some great friends...

2007-03-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

The people you dine with is far more impt than the food you dine on...

Today's dinner was great... I met up with Patrick, an old friend whom I work wif a long time ago... I guess it is the 'suffering' we share that made our friendship stronger.

Plus some new friends i made this time, (James is a funny & not-so-fierce-afterall guy and Echo whom I just found out that she is younger than me), dinner on a cold, mid-week evening was filled with warmth...

I am so glad... =)

day 1 in shanghai - trace back the familiar nanjing lu

2007-03-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

The last time I am in Shanghai was 2 1/2 yrs ago. It is like a familiar (i stayed here for 3 plus weeks the last time!!) yet not-so-familar place...

Today is the last day of CNY, fireworks are everywhere in Shanghai. When I meant everywhere, i meant everywhere. it is like the cracking sound is all ard u and u can hardly turn ard in time to catch them on camera.

The temperature here has dropped by several degrees. Today is abt 8 degree C, tomorrow may go below 5. My face is frozen as I walk along the streets and I am beginning to have stuffy nose now. =( I am excited to be walking on Nanjing Lu again. I am more excited abt meeting my long-time-no-see friends.

Ok going to sleep now in my very nice hotel room and wake up early for a good day!!! (see I got 4 pillows to myself today)

In His Presence

2007-01-29T11:30:00.000+08:00

Lyn taught abt being in God's presence in the last bs. How we can tap on His anointing when we are in His presence. Not that I am totally ignorant abt this before my bs, but after that session, i am brought to even greater awareness of His presence. it is almost like you know when u are in and when you are out of His presence. God's anointing power is amazingly great when you are in His presence and when you become aware of this, it is almost like you grow dependant on His power, you know that your own human strength is so limited that you just want to draw from His strength.

I also come into realisation that I only want to be successful by His anointing. Cos I no longer know the success i get using my own strength is 'real' success. Like leading a great worship is no longer a success to me unless God's ministry is in His people. Leading a good teaching in cell is not good enough unless lives are changed!!! I really desire to see God's hand moving in my life!!!!

"Where can i go from your presence?

Under your wings, i take refuge.

You search me deep within my heart

I know we'll nvr be apart.

Everyday, I draw closer to you Lord.

I long to see your face

And hide in your embrace.

All my life, dwelling in your hold place

My heart O Lord, you've change

I'll nvr be the same, nvr be the same."

from song "Refuge"

a good day

2007-01-23T22:10:00.000+08:00

i love today.
i got up in time to jog, something i realli wanted to do for a long time but nvr had the discipline.
i went to work, clearing most of the stuff i need to do today
i had a good lunch wif my collegues.
gab picked me up after work and we had a great dinner together.
then we went shopping with all the vouchers we had (means we spent almost nothing yet get to buy stuff!!!)
and we manage to leave orchard by 8pm and reached home at 8.30, giving us lotsa time to relax in front of the tv.
now i am just sipping my wine, watching tv, typing my blog before i head to bed...
wat a wonderful and fulfilling day!
i love today!!!

disappointments

2007-01-19T16:57:00.000+08:00

have you been disappointed before?
have you been disappointed again and again?
have you been disappointed, then you recovered, then get disappointed again, then you picked yourself up again, and then again... and again?

i know man will disappoint me, i am all ready to face that, but yet today, i feel like hidding again.

i thank God that i have Him to cling on. else i wouldn't know where to find the strength to pick myself up again, the next time i am being disappointed. i thank God that He is the one i am serving so i know that even if man fails, God never fails.
(3pm)
-------------------------------------------------------------
(5pm)now i want to thank God for disappointments, cause they will mould me in my character.
No point dwelling in my disappointments, cause it doesn't fill me, it doesn't make me feel better, it doesn't cause me to grow either. ok!!! time to move on!!!!

High price to pay for my carelessness

2007-01-16T11:06:00.000+08:00

I lost my camera last Sunday... I left it at Dunman market after my lunch. Though I went back like in 5 mins, it was gone... $700 camera that gab and I bought half a year ago. It just spoil my day lor.
Now i have to go buy another camera. I could have used the money on more clothes, bags, shoes. The loss is like $1.4k... (cos you felt a lost of $700 when you lose a camera, then you have to spend another $700 on a new one). not a logical calculation, but it is a feeling i get lah...

40 days Purpose Driven Life

Church is launching 40days of purpose driven life. i am both excited and worried. i feel it is a make it or break it project... and to make it, everyone must play a part in the whole involvement. it is like a team, if everyone is very onz, it will be good lor... but if everyone is very reluctant to give their time, then there will be no fruits lor...

Anyway, I am going to start reading the book again. I just collected it frm my mum's place.

friends, if u wanna find a purpose in your life, write to me. all of us has a purpose in our life.

Welcome 2007

2007-01-08T16:26:00.000+08:00

My new year resolution

1. Put everything back where they belong. My table is in a mess!!!

2. Read at least 1 book every quarter. That's 4 books a year. Abit little but a good start lah

3. Meet up with my cell members frequently.

4. Pray for my cell members weekly.

5. Read my bible daily.

Ok just 5 resolutions now. but these are really huge tasks. esp no. 1. why m i such a messy person? and i must start a system for my drawers and cupboards. magazines say it will help in putting things back and finding things as well.

skydive - once in my lifetime

2006-12-13T13:33:00.000+08:00

I have no been able to update for some time. 2 weeks ago, I move my blog to google. Not sure what happen but I was stuck with google in Japan!!! I can't understand any icon. Can't put up any blog.

So what had happen for these 2 weeks...

I came back from Perth and have survived the jump of my life!!! Yes, the very very extreme sport that I will never ever do again - sky dive from 10,000 feet!

I am trying to upload my video clip. Can someone teach me how to do it? Anyway, show u all some photos first of my perth trip ok...

Me and my sky dive instructor

Yummy food on Day 1

Yummy Food on Day 2 (see the steak is bigger than my face...WOW!!!)

@ the gala dinner

Youth Camp 06 - Cross Out

I can only testify of God's goodness in this camp. It cannot be done without Him. Glory to God alone!!

No pics yet. But I will put them up once I get hold of them.

Christmas

Yes of course. I chiong Orchard to get some gifts til 12midnight! You just go through Christmas without buying gifts. Though we told ourselves that we will not spend so much this Christmas, but I believe it is because Christmas is all about giving, God giving his son to us, you cannot resist buying gifts for your friends. The whole town is filled with people getting gifts. There is just this atmosphere of giving during Christmas, an atmosphere that cannot be explained. If you say that's because Christmas has been commercialised, it may seems true but generally people are more generous. Generosity cannot be created yah? Anyhow, I had a great time finding gifts for friends. And once again, I thank God for sending His son on earth this very day.

2006-11-27T10:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just feel like hiding somewhere where no one can find me...
I want to hide from all the problems that's before me...
I want to hide from all the people chasing after me...
hai... but i know I can't hide from God.
so it leaves me with no choice but to face whatever problem I have,
face the people I am trying to ignore.
Embrace the fact that there is no hiding before the Lord.
"For the spirit of God is not of fear, but of love, power and self control."
"You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in times of need."

dedicated to u

2006-11-16T12:13:00.000+08:00

heart-felt closeness is not a measure of distance between u n the person, or the frequency u see each other...

why this mushy statement, that's becos I have just return from a week trip, and there are a dozen of people I am thinking of. u just have the feeling that they are really impt to u, to your life.

my hubby, gabriel, is of course at the top of this list. Each time I m away from him and enjoying something, like watching a scenic view, eating a delicious meal, I will be dying for him to come and enjoy that moment together with me. It is like you dun want him to miss out the very thing that brings u joy at that moment. He said the same thing to me as well, when he is on his own trips n as much as I told him to enjoy on my behalf, it is not possible to do it. It is nvr full enjoyment unless you are with the person whom you enjoy the company. I concluded that enjoyment is not only what you do but who you do it with.

i enjoy watching movie with my sisters. it is different watching with them, compared to others, esp touching movies. my buddies n i will enjoy drinking coffee and talking, coffee is like a must even after a heavy dinner. gab n i enjoying dining with rachel n her boyfriend, they are almost the first we will think of when we want to go for dinner. of course gab is the only one who i enjoy doing everything with... ( i hope it is vice versa =P )

I also beginning to believe that i m an extrovert. i love to have people around me, mayb i need them to be ard as well. i can start a conversation with a stranger on a plane. i have nvr watch a single movie on my own, hardly had a meal on my own as well. if i have to be alone, i will be watching tv at home or sleeping. i have insisted i m an introvert until gab told me otherwise. in fact, he say he is a passive extrovert (lazy in another word) n i m an active extrovert. i will always to look for someone to meet up.

back to my initial topic, to you who is closest to my heart, thanks for being close to my heart, part of my world. it really brings warmth n joy to my heart, knowing i have u all.

p.s. if u are wondering if u are the one i m talking abt, yes yes yes, cos this blog will only be read by you. n if u think it is too mushy, haha, bear with me. i m lack of companion for 1 week.

2006-11-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

HP Campus in Houston. It is a realli cool place, much like our university campus.

Dinner with my collegues.

Anyway, I am going to be leaving for home tomorrow!!! YES!!! I am just so glad.

Xscapade '06: Cross Out

2006-11-01T14:03:00.000+08:00

This is an exciting youth camp. You shouldn't miss out on this!!!
date: 19th -23rd Dec

2006-10-31T17:37:00.000+08:00

the haze can't get us down!!! jungle survival!! walk on top of the trees >_<
my dearest friends...

simplicity is complexity. it is complex to be simple.

2006-10-31T16:13:00.000+08:00

ironic or whatever you call my title today(in comparison to my blog name).
my dearest friend had just explained my blog name in a very complicated way... have she revealed my deepest darkest part of my mind? I wonder...
she mentioned that at the end of my blog name "it is v simple...", "..." had more to conclusively state my statement as simple, there must be something after that. well, then that's for those who will follow my blog to find out what's after that statement. if stating "it is v simple" truly reflect that things are simple, then i wouldnt need a blog to pour my tots. there will be no interesting things to read abt.
why 'it'? cos i have no idea what is 'it'. but i believe there is a 'it' out there that will fit to this description.

anyway, i m not in my best mood lately. you know the times when you have a v v v heavy feeling in your heart. i m checking where that weight comes from, but i am so busy that i have no time to even pause and think.

starting a blog

2006-10-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

i m not such good writer, got C5 for my english, hates to write essay, hmm... why m i doing this? that's probably to tell the world my tots, if anyone ever read...i nvr tot i would start a blog but since others look really interesting, i guess i can give it a try, to see how it is like to pen my tots in an open way, mayb i will discover another part of me, the part of me that can only be found in this website.